You gotta know when to fold ‘em…

Stan: I'm in Wendover. My God. This place is like West Valley but with slot machines. And Nevada doesn't honor Utah's concealed weapons permits so I'm out here life a f*cking sitting duck.
Stan:
 
Fancy, es que no?
Me: I'll take two.
Stan: I feel like a sir. I should have gotten a twin king bed room. It was the same price as a single but when I made the reservation it was a forever alone. Lolol
Stan: Or maybe it was a f*ck this. I'm not sure yet.
Me: Lol
Stan: 200ml of Evan Williams American honey down. I'm the first one here.
Me: Party like a sir?
Stan: Mmmmm yes. Quite. I'm thinking about 8 others are showing up.
Stan: But it won't do me any good if I'm f*cked out of my mind before they get here....holy sh*t. Hey alcohol! Where have you been?
Stan: But I guess this rum isn’t going to drink itself, now is it?
Me: Snerk. Nope, it's not. :)
Stan: Liquor before beer, we're all in the clear. Beer before liquor, your mom's a whore. Isn't that how it goes? My f*cking face is numb.
Me: Bwahahaha, yesh, Mr. Connery. Anal bum covers, 400.
Stan: L:) fao. I'm.so f*cked up what you wrote has me loling irl.
Me: This could get interesting.
Stan: Thanks for being my text buddy for over a year now. Because of you Mike I look important while standing in line at walmart.
Me: And because of you, my family, friends and coworkers think I have lost my mind. "Dude, Bitton just busts out laughing for no reason."
Me: Women want me and men want to be me, just because I have the coolest cousin in the world.
Stan:

Meet a few of my friends
Stan: Their names are Moxie, Dixie and the two on the left are twins, Macy and Lucy.
Me: I'll take the twins. They're hot.
Stan: F*ck I love puppet shows.
Stan: Sherri Lewis + Lamb Chop = FAPtastic.
Stan: I could totally have a blog. I feel important seeing my words in print.
Me: Oh, believe this is going on the site.
Stan: Shit....I put all four in a pint of diet Pepsi. The ratio wanisnt quite 25%
Me: Fitty fitty?
Stan: F*ck.
Stan: Going.to the Pepsi machinebrb.
Stan: Pepsi is 591ml but I drank it down to put 200 ml in at 35% alcohol...f*ck, I can't do junior high pre algebra.
Stan: I can't tie my shoe.
Stan: Where is the otther one?
Me: The other shoe?
Stan: Found it.
Stan:

Stan: I think my party has arrived. I will update as I can. I will get a mop handle in my ass for taking pictures on that casino floor.though. no matter how f*cked I am I'm not taking my phone out.
Me: Forced broomstick sex is still sex.